Are you who you want to be?

One of my pet peeves about American culture these days is the idea that we have no time for anything. While I can't deny that Americans tend to be overextended, the absurdity of advertisers' claims that we don't have time to brush our teeth or take a weekly pill make me angry. Part of the anger is that absurdity, but the rest lies in the fact that how busy people are is a choice, which too many of us make without accepting responsibility for our decisions or for the consequences they bring.

We all have limited resources--time, energy, money--yet we live in a world where there are countless ways and people on which to allocate them. That's reality.

How we spend our time, regardless of how busy we are, should reflect our priorities in life, but I'm wondering right now if mine do. We tend to get into ruts in terms of what we focus on, and it can be hard with all the choices that exist and all the stimulation we get from the Internet, television, radio, movies, and games to remember the things that really are important to us and to take care of ourselves so that we can make those things our priorities. We can get too tired to even notice all the things we've let slide from lack of focus or lack of energy or bandwidth.

I used to be pretty good about staying in touch with people. I'd write letters, send postcards on vacation, make phone calls, put effort into getting together with people. Over the years I find myself doing less and less of this. I recently mailed a letter I started almost a year ago, which was three months after I 'd received the letter I was replying to. I have e-mails in my inbox that languish because I'm bad about looking at my e-mail when I'm not at work, but don't want to reply while I am at work. I haven't talked to my brother, Pete, in months. And then I have friends I used to do things with that I haven't in far too long.

I blame my Germanic genes in part for this change. I can't seem to help believing that things should be a certain way. In this case that means I shouldn't be the one making so much more effort. It seems that the people I really like tend to be bad about making the effort I'd like to see in relationships. This used to bother me a lot, but over the past five or so years, I've grown much more compassionate and gained more perspective. I've also developed my own bad habits about making effort.

All of that means that, for the most part, I know is them and not me when this disparity occurs. But sometimes I do wonder, since people think they are being "nice" by lying rather than just politely declining. (I at least would rather know that there just isn't room for me in someone's life than put energy into something the other person isn't able to.)

Over the years, my energy has gotten eroded; undoubtedly spurred on my some bad investments on my part. And thus the unanswered e-mails, letters, and phone calls, as well as the unmade phone calls, unwritten e-mails, and lack of effort in getting together. But today, I'm reminding myself that it is my decision, my choice. I am looking at what is Important to me and that what is, is worth it. At least for me. I guess I may also need to be brave and ask for clarity if it comes to that.