Timing

I’ve no sense of time. When we are younger, time is governed by school years and whatever divisions they have. Some things are different on a regular basis. We have long summer breaks that allow us to see ourselves for who we are outside of our peer group.

Once you are out of school, have found a city you want to live in, found a place that is stable enough that you stay there for more than a couple of years, what is there to mark change?

Life events: friends marrying and having children. There’s been oddly little of that in my life. My friends and I often seem stuck in some sit-com reality where things change now and again, but are mostly the same. Mostly continuous. Even much of the change is continuous—Rhonda is still looking for a job, Howard is still dating wildly inappropriate people, Lester is still spending all his time at work.

This is how it is that big chunks of time seem to go by without things getting done. This is the reason behind the long, dry spell on my blog. Well, that and my March allergies.

There also are no immediate consequences to things not getting done. In school, there are deadlines. In work there are too. You miss getting something done in a timely manner, people confront you on it. But in one’s personal life, there are no real deadlines.

And not getting things done doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve not been trying. I think of that Lichtenstein where the woman’s thought bubble is ‘I forgot to have children!’ I’ve not forgotten, I’ve just not had a situation to do it.

People do, when they know or see that you are getting old, make certain judgments as to where you are in your life, as though there is a one-size-fits-all way to live life. I feel anywhere between 6 to 11 years behind, at least when I think about how old I am chronologically. Or the fact it is 2006. How can it already be 2006 when we still don’t know what to call this decade?

When the 70’s ended, it took me several years to get over it. From my point of view, it had ALWAYS been the 70’s and nothing else made any sense. It might be that time lost meaning to me then; certainly the 80’s were easy to say good-bye to.

I think September 11^th took the wind out of everyone’s sails for a bit, too.

Today, according to my Vedic astrological chart, is the last day of my Jupiter cycle, which began 16 years ago tomorrow, just days after my father’s death. Next is Saturn. Where Jupiter is expansive, Saturn is the opposite. Those in the astrological know wince at the mention of Saturn, but for me, being a Capricorn, it feels like coming home.

I’m in a very fish or cut bait mood, so hopefully I can get stuff done now that has gone undone too long.

Wish me luck!