Drinking, 21 style

I had too much to drink last night. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. The occasion started with the belated celebration of a coworker’s twenty-first birthday. It’s not the sort of event I’ve had much experience with. My own twenty-first birthday was spent running errands in the snow around Minnesota before getting myself to the airport for a flight back East to Boston and then onto a shuttle flight to New York City. And I’d been able to drink in Minnesota since I turned nineteen, so it was a non-event alcohol-wise. Then there was a failed attempt to take my friend Dan out for his twenty-first. The place we went to just had a pub license so no hard alcohol but neither he nor I were into beer or wine. I don’t think the rest of our group was, either, but for reasons I no longer recall, we were totally unmotivated to take him elsewhere. (I think he’s still a little bitter about this, and I understand why now more than I did then.)

Part of it might be that I don’t understand the idea of excessive drinking. Like so much of American life, it seems predicated on the idea that more is better. At some point, you are drunk enough and drinking more only leads to bad things happening.

I got to the event at Ivar's Salmon House lounge around 4:30 and the guest of honor was already showing signs of intoxication. I was told he’d only had one beer (plus one at lunch that we all totally discounted). An hour later, he’d added a Grey Goose martini, a Bombay Sapphire martini, a manhattan, and a shot of jägermeister. He added a Captain Morgan's and 7-Up and a double bloody mary, a questionable choice at that point but he was very exited about the tomato juice, before getting cut off. My boyfriend took him outside for some air, soon joined by one of our group with a camera to record this rite of passage up close (okay, I was inside with the birthday boy’s camera clicking away). When the group returned to the restaurant, the crowd in the bar cheered and wished him all a happy birthday as he headed over to the restrooms. By the time he’d got back to the table, he’d been asked to leave, or more accurately we’d been asked to get him out and safely home.

This took awhile, and in the meantime, he’d sat down next to me, swaying this way and that, leaning over to talk, somewhat falling into me, and at one point grabbing my right breast when his arm was around me.

In thinking about my reaction to this, it’s like one’s reaction to a bad pun—pained laughter, head shaking, and disappointed shock that the person went there. Unlike that case, however, it was also strangely flattering to have a much younger man take an interest in touching me inappropriately. Another weird dynamic of human experience—the desire to be found desirable.

Of course, he was instantly apologetic, perhaps more to my boyfriend than to myself. He told my boyfriend he could “slug him right now” should my boyfriend feel that was necessary. He didn’t. I didn’t. We were both aware of just how drunk he was.

At this point, I’d had four drinks: a rum gimlet made with coconut rum that went well with the Kuala pork sliders (Hawaiian pulled pork on Hawaiian rolls with some sriracha sauce), an Absolute Mandarin-ade, and two shot of Patron silver tequila; the group did a round of shots and I got the birthday boy’s when he tried it and didn’t like it. From here, my boyfriend, another coworker, and I went on to El Chupacabra. Their boss was supposed to meet us but he claimed to be unable to find parking so bailed, despite us having already ordered a margarita for him. So, once I’d finished my own bartender’s margarita—my current favorite drink—I drank his since I was the only one at the table not driving.

During my drinking of this second margarita, I started to notice my eyes not tracking normally. By the time I got to my boyfriend’s, the world was a bit unstable and the tortilla chips I’d eaten too many of were sitting sharply in my gut. I felt bad, regretting my overindulgence but time and antacids took care of the worst of it, so that I slept well and only felt a little hung over today.

Here's the video and more info.