A Little Christmas

If you are anything like me, you may have bristled at the title of the blog post as we are still 57 days or so away from Christmas. It's not even Halloween, you may be thinking to yourself. And, generally, I agree. That Friday after Thanksgiving, that is the time to start thinking about Christmas.

It might be easier for me, having been raised in a Jewish household. Christmas was not a big deal, other than being a day off. My family's traditions did not involve empty movie theaters or dining in Chinese restaurants; just trips to my grandparents, which was a frequent day-off activity anyway.

For years now, I do seem to have my own 'Christmas in July' when the oft repeated carols of the holiday season somehow reactivate in my mind, plaguing me for awhile. Christmas in July is a thing, with a quick Google search letting me know it is associated with southern hemisphere celebrations since Christmas is normally in their summer and so lacks some of the traditional tropes. Living in Seattle, I've experienced more non-white Christmases (something growing up in Minnesota I didn't even realize was possible) than not.

But the past few weeks, I've been feeling the call of the Christmas spirit. This afternoon at work I had, "All I Want for Christmas is You" stuck in my head and seriously considered coming home and watching "Love, Actually" (although my favorite Christmas movie is "Scrooged", which I own on VHS). The other weekend, I watched a bunch of Christmas episodes of shows I like on Netflix. I find it fascinating that this spirit can find its way into the grizzliest of police procedurals, the most serious quests, the wackiest of sit coms, all with equal magic.

I've known for a long time now that I do love Christmas episodes, but now I am admitting it to the world. I appreciate any episode that anchors itself in my time frame--Halloween spooky, Thanksgiving awkwardness, New Years promise, Valentine's sweetness, St. Patrick's Day indulgence, But that magical spirit we all want to imbue Christmas with...there is a special raw hope to it. Maybe it comes from something primal, a reaction to the days having grown ever shorter for six months, and then, just after the Winter Solstice, they begin to lengthen again. The fear of the dark, the joy in the recognition that there will be another spring, another summer as the light grows longer. It is a natural cycle that we need not pay as much attention to in this day and age, but still we do. We carry on these traditions, including Hanukkah, the festival of lights, because we humans have needed each other most at the darkest times of the year so we come together to eat, drink, and be merry. To sing songs to each other of hope and salvation, of family and friends, of joy and celebration.

It may be the darkness is already getting to me. It may be that I know Christmas is when it all turns around. Or it may be something else all together. But, until the actual Christmas episodes start showing up some 30+ days from now, I may need a little more Christmas to get me through.

Book Fair

I went to the Antiquarian Book Fair yesterday.While admission was $5, there was little to buy for under $40 and most was over $100. It really varied what folks were selling. There were illuminated pages from the 1400 and then a signed copy of W's biography. I saw a lot of "Watership Down" and "Catch-22". I even saw 4 copies of the first edition of "The Hound of the Baskervilles", ranging in price from $2,000 to 12,000.

I saw a copy of The Hitchhiker's Omnibus, which I think I gave Dan as a birthday present years ago, acquired from the remainders bin. It was signed, but I really wondered about the signature--"Don't Panic Adams". How do we know that is his signature? Would he really have signed that? In the Omnibus edition? I didn't think to ask at the time, but I did become very curious about how you know. I once signed one of Donald Trump's books to an old boss as "The Donald". Sadly, no one in the room got the joke. 

Walking around, looking at the prices, I started to feel very uneasy about what had happened to these books. Many of them were things you could go to a book store and buy (or, at least, order). So why were these copies able to be sold for so much money? Yes, it might be cool to have a first edition of "Murder on the Links" but is it really worth $150?

I went to the Friends of the Seattle Public Library book sale recently, and they had a table of ... treasures? Some word like that. I picked up 3 at $3 each--a hardback copy of "Strong Poison", a book that sounded interesting but I've still not looked at by someone from the University of Minnesota, and "So You're Going to Italy? And if I were going with you, these are the things I'd invite you to do", which is a delight and makes me want to collect the whole series of these books that Clara Laughlin wrote, even if they are selling for $10+. I think it was something like those purchases that lead me to this Book Fair, not really clear on the range for first edition and autographed books.

I also wondered when authors began signing books. Book signings are an event these days, often more common than readings since there is a built-in sale accompanying the transaction. I've never really cared about signatures, although I did have Craig Charles sign my copy of "Better Than Life" which he'd not come across before. I've had friends sign their books for me, and then that means something. Will those copies someday be for sale at a book fair? The thought depresses me more than the fair did.

Tacovore

Several years ago, I realized I'd become a tacovore. Two tacos are a perfect lunch for me. A good amount of protein, not too much in the way of simple carbs, and at least a little lettuce, or radish. I've had at least 9 tacos in the past week--eight crispy, one soft from Taco Time, the original Seattle fast food taco spot.

It started around 2005. The cafeteria near my office started doing these amazing tacos--street style with soft corn tortillas, tasty meat, shredded cabbage, and a very tasty sauce on them. About the same time, Qdoba opened in the Oak Tree Mall, instantly endearing itself to me with its habanero salsa and soda machine offering both Coke and Dr. Pepper. I started with their soft tacos, but found the flour tortillas a little sticky, so moved on to crispy tacos. I started with their chicken but now tend to get their pulled pork with the habanero salsa, a little sour cream, and lettuce.

The taco trucks began to move into Seattle around 2006, with Rancho Bravo being between my home and office. I moved offices closer to a range of restaurants, including a Mexican place that had al pastor tacos that came with radishes, onion, and cilantro. Chipotle opened on The Ave. I started with their pork with the medium salsa (much better taste than their hot), a little sour cream, and lettuce, plus some chipotle Tabasco on it, but now almost always get their chicken. A few years later a Qdoba opened up near the office building my department was moving into, which ensured tacos had a very regular place in my diet.

I do wonder if I am nearing the end of my tacovoreness. It often seems like there is a limit to how much of something you can eat in a given period of time. I've maxed out on the Rancho Bravo tacos, moving on to tamales there. I think I've maxed out on Taco del Mar tacos. And I fear I maybe nearing maximum lifetime habanero salsa. Or perhaps, I am just getting too old for it. I'll keep you posted.

Kevin Smith

I didn't see "Clerks" when it first came out and there were lines around the block at The Neptune for it. I'm often wary of hype, so put off watching shows like "Downton Abbey" that everyone is raving about, only to be ultimately sucked in because it is that good.

I probably would have seen "Mallrats" if the reviews hadn't been so bad. I'm not sure "Chasing Amy" was on my radar, although guy chasing lesbian probably wouldn't have gotten me to go if it was.

So, my first Kevin Smith film was "Dogma". It was December and I was going through the first phase of a break up in an on again off again relationship. It was Friday night and I literally did not know what to do with myself. I think I called my recent ex from the floor of my office I was so lost. Somehow, I got to the plan of going to see "Dogma" at the Varsity Theatre.

The movie starts with a disclaimer, revealed in bits:

Disclaimer: 1) a renunciation of any claim to or connection with; 2) a disavowal; 3) a statement made to save one's own ass. 

Though it'll go without saying ten minutes or so into these proceedings, View Askew would like to state that this film is- from start to finish- a work of comedice fantasy, not to be taken seriously. To insist that any of what follows is incendiary or inflammatory is to miss our intention and pass undue judgment; and passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone (this goes for you film critics too... just kidding). 

So please - before you think about hurting someone over this trifle of a film, remember: even God has a sense of humor. 

Just look at the platypus. Thank you and enjoy the show. 

P.S. We sincerely apologize to all platypus enthusiasts out there who are offended by that thoughtless comment about the platypi. We at View Askew respect the noble platypus, and it is not our intention to slight these stupid creatures in any way.
Than you again and enjoy the show.

From this, I knew I was going to enjoy the show, which at the time meant a lot to me. I adored "Dogma". I caught up with "Clerks", "Mallrats", and "Chasing Amy" and enjoyed them all.

And then came "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back". I'm going to start by saying I am not a fan of a lot of stupid comedies, but if you were going to make a stupid comedy just for me, "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is 90% it. There are a few jokes that are a little more juvenile than are not as to my taste, but really it is so my movie.

"Jersey Girl" was okay, but a little too ordinary for what I had come to expect from Kevin Smith. I enjoyed "Clerks II".

The last 3 movies--"Zack and Miri Make a Porno", "Red State", and "Tusk" (I'm not counting "Cop Out" since KS didn't write it)--all have a lot going for them but I felt they all could have been better, in the sense that they needed another draft or two. I could see what they wanted to be but they just hadn't quite gotten there. I think he really needs a good editor, mainly script but possibly film, too. In "Tusk" there were two moments where I thought, "Wow, he really does like people talking." It's not a good sign.

Watching "Tusk" was fascinating as I really did not know where it was going to go--and I certainly did not see the end coming. While that is often a good thing, sometimes it means there hasn't been enough groundwork laid for it to really work. In this case, it was mostly the latter.

Ultimately, I'm just glad Kevin Smith is back to making movies and enjoying doing that. I hope he's able to find a way to do his hockey movie/mini series, since he's gotten such good feedback about the script. Maybe Netflix or Amazon will sign on for that. There are a lot of channels these days and I'm hoping "Yoga Hosers" and "Moose Jaws" gel. And, of course, I am totally looking forward to "Clerks III". Thank goodness for #walrusyes.

My Dreams: TV Guest Star Edition

The first time I remember having TV characters in my dreams was when I was maybe 9 and I was with characters from "Barney Miller" on I-94 in Saint Paul near the bridge over the Mississippi looking for someone. I always feel odd when television characters seep into my subconscious (it is even worse when they are zombies, although that is the fear talking). I feel like it must mean I'm watching too much television, but I'm not sure that really is it. I have had characters from books I am reading in my dreams, but neither is a very common occurrence.Last night, thought, I woke up two times, both from dreams where I was with TV characters.

The first time, I'm not sure when but it was still dark out and I'm not really sure what woke me up, although it might have been anxiety. In the dream, I was with the BAU (Behavioral Analysis Unit) from "Criminal Minds". The case was lighter than their normal sort of thing (and thinking about it now, may have been the plot from a Scooby-Doo Episode I watched on YouTube while I was taking a bath the other day; I'd been watching a comedy special on Netflix streaming but it kept stopping every 30 seconds or less for 20 seconds or so), someone had disappeared. It was night and we were on a dock looking for clues. At one point, we were all lined up facing out and the person all the way on the right jumped into the water, and we followed along like dominoes. We had masks with snorkels around our necks, so I put mine one and swam to my right. You could see more than you should have been able to. I think I was stressed about my snorkeling skills, although it could have been worry about what one would see in the water (I did see 'Tusk" recently). Either way, I woke up feeling odd, and then sad at how long it has been since I've been snorkeling.

The second time was when I finally woke up this morning. I had been dreaming I was dating Xander Harris from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (played by Nicholas Brendan, who also has a role on "Criminal Minds"). I probably woke up from that because it was 9:32. We had gone out to lunch and I was going to have some of his french fries, but I woke up before the they came.

Maybe just the desire to watch the rest of Season 9 has the "Criminal Minds" folks more on my brain, and thus in my dreams. It's still not back on Netflix, so I'm hoping my brain can just focus on dreaming of Nicholas Brendan.

Not Deja Vu

I've been experiencing something odd lately. It reminds me of deja vu, although more like the opposite.

I've experienced deja vu before. It is an odd sensation and likely something to do with our brain's ability to connect things (to quote Doctor Who, "I love humans. Always seeing patterns in things that aren't there.").

What has been happening to me lately is that I'll experience something as wholly novel, but then later begin to feel like I had experienced it before. I've really begun to doubt myself as I am as sure that something seems familiar later as it does not seem familiar to begin with.

One of the latest examples is a friend's picture on FB, where someone took a Revolutionary War scene and replaced all the weapons with lightsabers. Oh, and there's a Death Star I ddn't notice until just now.I saw this the other day and thought, "That's so interesting." I noticed that the friend had uploaded it in 2012 and wondered how I had missed it.

At some point over the next day or so, I started to think maybe I had seen it earlier. Wasn't it familiar after all?
To really appreciate my unease over all this, you have to understand that I have a really good memory so am not used to forgetting things. I would actually think I had an even better memory than I do were it not for times (and I'm talking maybe two) when I have this conversation with my friend Dan:

Dan: "Remember when ...?"
Me: "No."
Dan: "There was the .."
Me: "No."
Dan: "And we..."
Me: "Oh, yeah."

I also have examples where I just remember things I've totally forgotten about. And then, recently, I went into an old e-mail account to search for account information and found all sorts of things I don't remember doing. So, maybe it is my memory going. Maybe I was under stress when those memories were formed and thus they cannot be accessed as quickly as others. I just know it is annoying and I need to figure out if there is a way to have the sense of familiarity earlier, before I start e-mailing things off and then thinking, "Wait, did I already send them that?"

Yom Kippur

It's Yom Kippur. So far, I've not eaten any pork, but there are at least two meals left before it ends (since I skip the whole fasting portion of the holiday). I am planning on going out to my spiritual spot, walking, and evaluating and atoning. Yesterday, I put on my star of David and forgot to take it off last night so wore it again today.

Tonight, I watched the first 6 episodes of Amazon's new show, "Transparent".The main family in it is Jewish and I found something so comforting about seeing my people starring in a show. It is more a part of the show than Ross, Monica, and Rachel being Jewish on "Friends" although it was still nice to have half the cast of characters be Jewish in New York.

The last time I went to New York City, almost 10 years ago, was for Hanukkah. I liked seeing menorahs all over the city. I've been wanting deli food, but Seattle lacks a really good option. I meant to seek it out more in London but never quite managed. And didn't even think about it in LA, although there were blintz on the breakfast buffet at the LA Athletic club. I ate them with bacon, which tasted good but felt a little wrong.

Being Good

I've been good this evening. I walked around Green Lake. I only watched one episode of television (although it was an episode of 'Foyle's War', which run about 90 minutes). I've washed my dishes and read from this week's Economist. I've managed to reply to e-mails and write in my journal. And now I am writing more. Writing here. I want to maintain the small momentum I have. Two days in a row. Of being good about writing. It may not seem like much, but to me it is. And that is why, as my eyelids droop and I yawn and try to focus, I keep typing.

I have an amazingly long list of topics for blog posts, none of which I am really up to focusing on right now, but they are somewhere to go, to keep the momentum up. I also created another blog some time ago, although I never got around to posting there. I want to post more creative writing, although now that I express that outside my head, I'm wondering where the lines really are.

For example, I came across a piece I'd written years ago, a review or report on High Tea at the Four Seasons. I was surprised when I read it how good I thought it was, as I tend to focus more on my weaknesses than my strengths. There's something I should give more thought to. I'm not sure it is 100% true, but I feel like it is when it comes to some things I do. Like sewing.

I have a Halloween costume I started years ago that I've never finished. Partly because I feel like it won't be as good as my vision. Mostly because the fabric I chose is very stretchy and hard to sew. I wonder if I can get that done. I need to get help. A sewing machine if nothing else. But someone to hold my hand, metaphorically, as I struggle through would be nice. It's already October 2nd, so if I am going to finish it, I should get started on that.

I like October. Growing up in Minnesota, October meant Indian summer days and Halloween.It is orange and red and yellow and full of blue skies. Of course, my mom died in October, the day before Halloween. Maybe I've lived in the PNW too long, but November seems most like death to me, although I feel a bond with November due to the N. And due to JSY, whose birthday marks the end of the month. And due to PED whom I started dating.at the end of one November. Autumn seems a time for endings. And now seems the time for bed.

Perspective

It's easy to lose perspective. Tonight's loss was related to Netflix.

In August, just before going out of town for two weeks, I got rid of my cable TV. I took my DVR to the local office and said I wanted to cancel. No muss, no fuss. I've been enjoying not having cable, although I have started looking at digital antenna, I was a little more interested than I wanted to be in Comcast's latest double-play that includes HBO for 2 years, and I've been doing a little more mainlining of shows than I had hoped.

And this is where tonight's loss of perspective comes in. I've recently been mainlining the last couple of seasons of 'Criminal Minds'. It was a show I'd watched for a period of time but then, much like the show's original lead, Mandy Patinkin, I started to feel that exposing myself to the horrors of that show and 'Law & Order: SVU' and to a lesser degree 'NCIS' might not be good for me. So, I'd stopped watching a few years ago.

I find mainlining a show really helps to focus on the characters and the patterns of a show rather than the plot of a single episode. And, perhaps consuming it over a short period rather than weekly for a longer time doesn't affect me as much? And, really, I just like being able to go through a whole season arch not just an episode every week or so.

Tonight, I came home with the plan to make dinner and a cocktail, and watch the next episode of Season 9 (for those keeping track at home, Season 10 just started, although I figure I'll mainline that next year at some point). So I power up the television and my Amazon Fire TV box, click on the 'Criminal Minds' icon, and am directed to Season 1, episode 1. I'm annoyed, being used to it letting me pick up where I left off. Then I realize there is no Season 9 available and I'm cranky. I know Netflix sometimes stops having things available but I thought I'd been able to see that on my Fire app but I'd not seen any notice. I feel frustrated and let down and dismayed because now I have no plan for what to watch with dinner.

I do feel foolish about this, too, which doesn't help. I've been hearing a lot lately about autism and have been thinking that really we all have things we're not good at coping with. I think there is a certain level of coping I am capable of and then after that, I get cranky. Fairly standard. Thankfully, I am in control of myself so that I don't act out or lose control (physically or otherwise--well, except for getting cranky). I've not been sleeping well lately, so that means my coping level is lower than normal. It's been our super busy, super stressful time of year at work, so that is another thing lowering my coping level.

My plan becomes that I will log into my Netflix account on my computer and send a message about better communication for those using the Fire app if a season of a show is going away, since neither my Fire nor iPhone app offer any such functionality. Turns out, neither does Netflix's main site. Contact Us offers chat or phone. No, I don't want to dialog. I want to vent and suggest and not be replied to.

Somehow, I get back to their 'Criminal Minds' page and then I notice in the "reviews" folks complaining about Season 9 disappearing. I read through the first 3 or 4 pages of these and see references to it being pulled due to an audio issue. I had wondered about the audio myself--the audio and video were not syncing well, which is more annoying than you might expect. With no where else to go, I did leave my comments as a "review" suggesting that they have a way to inform customers of when something has been made unavailable for some reason and either a timeline for when to expect it back or a way to get a notification when it is back. They have my viewing history. They can see I watched episodes 1-7 of Season 9 recently. Is it a big stretch to think I might want to watch 8-20-whatever sometime soon?

For better or worse, my frustration with Netflix (except maybe the fact you cannot include the word "Netflix" in a review; although one reviewer came up with a great solution, see below!) was watered down reading the "reviews" others had left in response to the disappearance of Season 9. I was left with a general sense of "No, I'm good." Here are some of the "reviews" that made me put it all in perspective:

please add back season 9... I'm so sad right now, I didn't get to watch it...I love Criminal Minds, why would you guys take away one season?

i NEED season 9!!! i was ALMOST done!!!! come on!!!!!!!!!!!! geez. NF get it fixed and hurrrryyyy!!!!!!

Oh my god where is season 9!??!!!!! I don't care I will watch it with the audio glitches! Please give me back season 9!!!!!!

So, season 9 was removed because of the audio glitches? Great timing NF! Idiots! Most of us were trying to catch up on the season before season 10 starts, now we won't be able to. I only had a few more episodes to go. I cry foul! Seriously!

I really needed you tonight, Season 9. You let me down. I am heart broken. Please come back soon, you are my whole lifeline.

Love the show! But very ANGRY with Nitflix right now. I was almost caught up…I was dealing with the audio glitches (even though they were driving me crazy)…and I thought for sure there was just a mistake when an episode I was watching today just stopped. I kept trying to restart it, then I tried another episode, and another. Nothing in season 9 would work. And now the whole season has been removed. SERIOUSLY!! THE DAY BEFORE THE SEASON 10 PREMIERE!!

Halfway through season 9, just trying to catch up so I can watch the season premiere tomorrow. Super grumpy now.... I think I might cry.

I need season nine back NOW!!!! Season 10 starts TOMORROW AND I WAS ONLY HALF WAY FINISHED!!!!