Endings

Today is the last day of January, and my last day at ETS. I've been at ETS longer than all the January time of my life.

I started at ETS in March of 1997 as an unpaid intern, trying to get experience doing Web work so that someone would hire me. That led to a 6-month hourly position. And that led to my current (well until 5:30PM today) position, which I started in January 1998.

I want to say that it doesn't feel that long, but while I am surprised that I can say I've been in this position 8 years, life without ETS seems very far away; as always, some bits more than others.

I'm not sure I'll ever stay somewhere 8 years again, despite my frequent inability to overcome inertia (just look at my postings here!). I feel the need to keep moving, lest I get stuck. Again.

As for January, I was sick twice, I had a very restful 2 week vacation where I read and went to many movies ('Syriana','One','The Producers','Matador','Casanova','Brokeback Mountain','Capote'), saw Die Fledermaus (and am now wondering if "fledermaus" isn't the best word ever), and had some nice evenings and a dual-birthday lunch out with people.

One, the movie

I went and saw One today:

Early one morning, in April, 2002, a middle-aged father of three from Michigan suddenly awoke from a sound sleep, overcome by a strange compulsion to make a movie about how we are all one.

The movie is largely interviews with thinkers, spiritual leaders, and people on the street. Definitely in sync with my line of spiritual pursuit.

What got me the most was the comments of a young man from Colorado named Chris Willis. When asked if he had one wish for humanity, what would it be, he replied that he didn't think he was worthy of having a wish for humanity. It broke my heart.

Part of that heart break is the knowledge that so many people feel that way. I mean, maybe no one is truly worthy of that, but that wasn't what I was getting from what he said.

Why is it that we can feel so separate from our fellow man? Believing that we are somehow lacking by some "normal" standard?

In another answer he stated that he didn't want to believe in a god that didn't accept everyone. That's what I've always thought. I've never understood the desire to believe in the Judeo-Christian biblical God; He always seemed insecure and not very nice. And, if he is omniscient, shouldn't he have seen the whole fall thing coming?

New Year's Resignation

It's official. I've resigned the 50% of my position at ETS to go full-time with my other group in more of a programming capacity as of February 1.

Writing my resignation letter made me realize how much ETS has meant to me, and while the ETS that I really enjoyed is long dead...perhaps because the ETS I really loved is long dead, I'm more affected than I thought I'd be by going (since my general attitude has been "Yipee!").

It's definitely time for this change.

I've actually been more freaked out by going into 2006 than other years. It just seems so late somehow. But the signs are everywhere that it is a year of change, and given my difficulties with endings, there's some apprehension along with my exhilaration about the year to come.

Lost the fight

The fact I am currently sick only proves my point that we should all be hibernating this time of year. I've been feeling tired for about two weeks--going to bed early, waking up wanting more sleep. Between the holidays and work deadlines (and my firm belief in hibernation), I figured it was to be expected, and that maybe I was fighting something off. Well, successful completions at work and the end of the holidays left me wide open to lose the fight.

I'd really love someone to explain my immune system to me. It seems...like it needs tuning.

Since I was a child, I tend to have a current disease--what I get when I get sick. For years, it was strep. Then bronchitis. Then sinusitis. Recently, it's been an achy, fevery virus of some sort, that really makes me want to cry (only I don't because that would be so unpleasant!).

The Questionnaire by Bernard Pivot

What is your favorite word?

imbue


What is your least favorite word?

colostomy


What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

life, the universe, and everything. Well, almost everything. I tend to fall in love at least once a day--with a moment, thing, person, creature, food stuff, etc...


What turns you off?

Intolerance. Rigidity.


What is your favorite curse word?

Bloody, although I feel a little goofy using it. I've also always been fond of sacre bleu. I tend to use fuck the most, though; and lately, Jesus Christ said as a French speaker would.


What sound or noise do you love?

The sound of the ATM giving me money. Back when I was in college and the technology wasn't always reliable, there was that moment before the ATM despensed when you held your breath hoping that it would work. And that noise brought such relief.


What sound or noise do you hate?

Leaf blowers, with car alarms a close second. I'm not sure either is terribly useful.


What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

I'd like to be a novelist. Or screen writer.


What profession would you not like to do?

Soldier. I couldn't deal with the environment.


If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

You did fine with what you were given.

Beginning Liminal

While it may be SO 2005 (or maybe even 2004), I've decided to start the year actually starting a blog. I've been toying with the idea ever since I was exposed to my friend Dana's friend JD's blog (http://www.foldedspace.org/weblog/) at least two years ago. Of course, it is much more ambitious than I plan on being, but we'll see how it really goes.

For those that don't know, here's my take on the liminal:

I first learned of liminal times when I was in college studying anthropology. A liminal time is when someone goes from one state in life to another. There are usually rituals involved to mark the occasion. Of course, modern American society often lacks these rituals, thus blurring the states. Then again, life is not nearly as linear and homogeneous as it once was; or at least we like to think it was simplier once.

Beyond humans, there is twilight, dawn, and all the seasons to give us liminal space, where things go from one state to another. I love these liminal times--not quite one thing, not quite another.

Autumn is my favorite season. I've thought for many years now it was because it is the only season that Minnesota, where I grew up, does well. Tonight, I wondered if it isn't because it is so liminal; the once green leaves turning unexpected colors. Indian summer with its warm, sunny days and yet an undeniable crispness to the air signalling that winter and snow are coming soon. It is a glorious dying, transforming summer into winter.

From January 1 until January 12 is my own special liminal time. It is the time between when the year changes and my age changes. I use it to reflect and to plan; to be liminal. It is a good time to blog.